When I was younger, I didn't understand what anxiety was, mostly because even as a child, you may worry. it cam stem from peer issues, family issues, etc. However, I feel that a child's voice in the era that I grew up, was that children didn't have anything to worry about. But as children we do, we may worry if we will win the video game we are playing, simple and not as essential as paying bills, but its a worry. Those same children grow into adults with many worries on top of worries that were never dealt with as children. During the early months of the pandemic, I was able to hide my anxiety and cope with it on the surface. The new norm for me was slowly starting to rear itself. working from home, the political energy around masks, ,etc. and not being able to walk my Kindergartner into his "big" school for the first time, on the surface, nothing bothered me. Until I became so unbothered, that the unbothered emotions started to bother me.
I had to find my happy again. Where did it go. It seemed it had only been a short amount of time that I was feeling this way, but it was meeting more than a couple of months. Watching a world seek to go back to a normal of yesterday, made me more aware that something was not right within myself. The constant measure gauge in my head was go from if I am doing too much or too little, a feeling of relief came over me and I said literally out loud, "I am doing the best I can." With so much affirmation and understanding, It was immediate, I no longer felt guilty for doing too much or too little. I am doing the best I can, WE all are doing the best we can, where we are, the experiences we've had and are currently in, influences the best of what we can do.
I realized that the unsurfaced anxiety I was feeling was building up and building up fast. I then had to come to reality that my normal had changed, dramatically without warning, and the irony I had to understand is, so had every single other person in the world (the irony is some may not know it) I had went from having approximate 2 hour commute to literally being about 25 steps from my "office". The immediate perception of my dramatically decreased commute would and should be positive, right? Sure did, in that it helped with my work life balance and give me so much more time for doing other things in my life in addition to working.... this was all new to me.
To reground myself, I needed to Rest, Rehydrate, Reflect and Revitalize.
Rest - I hadn't been getting much rest, staying up late and getting and hour here and there, with a stretch of 4 hours at the most. I started to be mindful of what time I went to sleep, and taking naps! If my kids were okay and occupied, I took an hour nap. I didn't realize how much this helped me cope with the everyday stresses of life.
Rehydrate - I started paying attention to the amount of water I was drinking daily, and made it intentional to drink at least 32 oz a day. The feeling of being hydrated made me feel so much better.
Reflect - I started doing a daily reflection of my day. I started seeing what was there. The way I felt and then thought about what happened and what role I played in it, no matter what is was, rather it was cutting somebody off (hey, you never stop growing). I reflected on if I was consistent with being the best version of myself throughout the day. Was I intentional with being present, did I make sure I made somebody feel good about themselves. I always cheer, however I feel like sometimes my drive makes others uncomfortable. So I had to be more intentional with others emotions in that sense, show a little more compassion to those who need it, but in a healthy way. With truth. Reflections allowed me to be present.
Revitalize- search within yourself the feeling of new and vitality. I started renewing my feelings, searching for the better feeling. Sometimes we can allow ourselves to get in spaces that we know aren't what we want. We allow ourselves to fester in places that are unwanted. I'm coming to understand that to revitalize means to reach for that better feeling, all the time, not just for one day, more like every minute of the day, that you will have to intentionally reach for that better feeling. Discover the feeling being conscious of what you feel and reach for the better feeling, revitalize.
I am leaving you with a disclaimer that I am not an expert at this, and am moving through the new norm just as everyone else, and my advice is the facts of my experience, and I am giving the opinion of what one may want to try based on my experience to use at their own discretion. Some days are good, some not the best, but I am grateful for each moment. It has been such a different journey during this time in that things seems so uncertain, but in these times we must rely on what we know best, things can be okay, and we are doing the best we can, do your best everyday, to the capacity of what you can, but make sure it is your best, if you know you aren't do the work so that you can give your best self, Rest.Rehydrate.Reflect.Revitalize. I am practicing these and have found peace in this practice, take from this what you believe that will help you!
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