Parenting without Fear

 

With all the things parents can worry about in the world, we choose to worry about how the world will view our kids. How can we encourage our children to be their authentic selves when we worry more about how well they will do in the world? How do we parent our kids without imposing our beliefs of fears on them based on our past experiences? 

The fear of our children not being accepted by society sometimes will lead us to go to extremes to protect them from themselves. But who are we to block the experiences our kids are to experience. I came to understand that my kids are an extension of me but they are here for their own reason, purpose. Don't get me wrong, we are to steer them in the best way to help them achieve this through love and understanding. I am not saying let them be free without guidance, but we need to provide guidance with love over fear. Remember what is was you needed to hear at 5, 10, 16 😉.  

Over the past couple of  years, I embarked on a journey of updating my parenting skills and really started  to rethink my approach to raising my children.  I’ve come to discover a few skills that have helped me practice parenting without fear.

Mindful of my words  - think before you speak - was a virtue I was taught, but never understood how  to practice it. To truly think before you allow the thought that you are thinking transform into words and leave your lips. I had to start taking factors into play when interacting with my kids. One, am I tired, hungry, frustrated. But in regards to fear, I had to take a moment to understand am I responding in fear of what my kids are saying to me or am I even listening to what they said. Am I judging them on what society says kids who do this will be  and that they will be frowned upon, or looked at differently. Speak love into your children no matter who they are, do your best to understand their perception and what the facts are in what they are saying, and guide them to the better feeling.   

Check my intentions - when responding to an action and words from your kids, what are your intensions? I chose to feel the feeling and allow myself to speak life into them rather than use my words to provoke fear in them to then force an outcome that I am comfortable with. I began pouring into them the words they needed to hear to be their best self, no matter what that may be. 

Understand that your children are not "yours" - I had to come to understand that our children are here for a reason. My oldest had a love for animals that is beyond my limit of having a dog, and wants to be a veterinarian, there were times were I thought I should try to influence her to change her future career, in fear that she wouldn't be successful, I had to change my perception to encourage her to go for her dreams. I came to understand that my kids have their own purpose that is separate from my own. Sometimes we want to impose on them what we believe is to be best, but we have to understand they have their own personality and likes of their unique to their purpose.

As a mom, I want what everyone parent wants which is the best for my kids, and have come to the understanding that imposing my fear on them does nothing to help them and implementing these practices in to my parenting has given me results in having my kids be more open with me and really come to being their true unique selves in a space with love and no judgement, love over fear. 

Be Great,
   Stephanie