Time alone with each child - My kids are 15, 9, and 5, and are psychologically at different levels and understandings and sometimes I cannot always generalize conversations with all three. So, I have found it important to have time alone with each child. Even if they were closer in age, I would have alone time, but I feel it is most important because of their differences in development stages to be even more keen and sensitive. These sessions are either scheduled or impromptu. But because the way my life is set up, they are mostly impromptu. Whether it be driving my youngest daughter to her dance practice and striking up a conversation with her, playing a car game with my son or cooking Pho with my oldest, I realized that these little 30 minute moments do make a difference in getting to know each child individually which in turn... helps to understand their thinking and where they are mentally...I believe that these little moments make a big difference to each of them and allow them to have their own time with me.
Being aware of their different development stages - When your kids are an average 3.9 years apart, you have to be creative in how you communicate with them. I research ever so often my kids individual development stages to get a better sense of where they are developmentally. I have found this helps ease my frustrations in understanding how to communicate with them each at their own levels. Hence a five year old vs fifteen year old with responsibilities and hygiene. It helps make sense of my life a lot! I also have found it easier in explaining to each of them where their siblings are mentally. My 9 year old would sometimes tell her younger brother jokes and think it to be funny when he would repeat these jokes that were unconventional in nature in which she would be aware of and of course he didn't, having to explain to her that she shouldn't use he brother's ignorance as entertainment, but use it as a moment to teach him understanding that the is younger and at a different level then she, it in turn helps me to teach them to be leaders and for their younger sibling(s) to learn from their leading to in turn be a good leader.
Embracing the good with the challenges - At times it is challenging with my the age gaps, for example when my 9 year old tries to negotiate by saying her older sister gets to do it and I have to take a deep breath, explain to her that she is younger, etc., etc. but I have found the age gap between my kids to be beneficial in that they are able to look after each other. Our oldest babysits for us on date night and we don't have the worry of getting them packed up and dropped off like we did before. They actually still do play with each other and they bond is impeccable. They are able to help their younger siblings with homework, so that is a big up for me! My oldest loves to give advice to her younger sister about high school, friends, etc. which is the sweetest conversations to listen in on. Perspective is all in how you look at it, find the good in the challenges and hold on tight!
As with kids that are 2-3 years apart or 10 years, having children period is a challenge, but I am very blessed to have found the balance with having a little time in between my kids ages. Despite their age gaps, they each have a beautiful relationship with each other, so don't worry if you happen to be in the same boat I was in with a 10 year old and newborn, it will all work out fine!
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